Why self-efficacy matters— and how to build it in your girls

When Aralai Mattila was 14 and living with her parents in Sydney, Australia, she came up with a bold plan. She wanted to move to Paris, France, for a year and live with a host family.

“That terrified me,” her mother, Sam, shared. “But then her dad and I talked and we realized that she can handle whatever comes her way.”

Aralai’s desire to move across the world—and her ability to handle it—is a great example of self-efficacy: the belief that you can succeed in a particular situation, paired with the skills and confidence to do so. It’s a trait that often flies under the radar, but is deeply connected to long-term success and well-being with teenagers. Research shows that teens with strong self-efficacy tend to do better in school and college.¹ Not only that—they are less anxious, more motivated, and more resilient.² 

All of these outcomes are especially important for teen girls, since their self-belief often drops—and anxiety rises—from age 11 up.³

Parents and caregivers play a key role in setting up their girls with opportunities to build self-efficacy. Whether it’s through extracurriculars, chores, hobbies, or everyday interactions, you can help your girls to feel—and be—accomplished and capable. Here are five ways to start:

1. Create opportunities for her to do hard things

Girls—and all teens—need frequent experiences of taking on challenges and succeeding.⁴ For example, when your teen is choosing classes, encourage her to pick some that are outside of her comfort zone but within her ability to complete.⁵ Beyond school, help her find sports and other extracurriculars that offer realistic challenges. 

Each experience of mastery helps teens build their sense that they can do hard things. For Aralai, the self-efficacy to live in France was years in the making. At age four, her mom enrolled her in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and encouraged her to compete—even when she felt nervous. By age eight, she was winning national competitions. And at age 10, she said “yes” to the chance to move to Samoa with her mom for a year and intentionally sought out challenging experiences, like befriending local kids instead of expats.

To help girls manage the anxiety that comes with any challenge, parents should talk openly about it.⁶ “It’s not like Aralai was never fearful,” says her mom. “When she competed in jiu-jitsu or before we moved to Samoa, she had some trepidation. We had a lot of conversations about it. I’d say, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ and remind her, ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway.’”

2. Find ways for her to make a difference

Teens gain self-efficacy when they feel they matter—when they see their contribution is useful.⁷ This happens when they complete mundane but essential tasks: chores at home or at school, or volunteering in the community. When allocating chores at home, make sure you don’t reinforce outdated gender norms by requiring more of girls than boys, or having girls do all the cleaning and boys do the outdoor work.

“It’s important to let kids be in charge,” says Sara Connolly, mom to Amelia Gallogly, age 14. “So we’ve made Amelia our party planner at home. From the time she was little, she’s wanted to set the game list and plan the food, so it’s leaning into a skill she already has."

Connolly also voices appreciation for everyday tasks to help her teens internalize their role in something bigger than themselves.⁸ Says Connolly, “I tell my kids, ‘Taking out the trash isn’t just a chore—it’s part of how our family runs.’”

3. Encourage her to manage social situations

Self-efficacy isn’t just an academic or practical matter—it’s tied to social skills, too.⁹ To help your girl build social self-efficacy, encourage her to speak up for herself in everyday settings: ordering at restaurants, emailing a teacher, or arranging meetups with peers.

“I try to stay hands-off when it comes to her social relationships,” says Connolly. “It’s hard to resist jumping in when I feel like she’s been wronged, but she learns more by working through those things herself.”

4. Be strategic about when to step in

In any new activity, give kids just enough guidance to help them succeed on their own. Teens need to see a clear path forward—but also have room to solve problems and build confidence through trial and error.

This balance is especially important for girls. Research shows that adults often jump in too quickly to help them—particularly in areas like math, science, or sports—unintentionally sending the message that they can’t do it on their own.¹⁰

5. Let her see you doing hard things

Teenagers also build self-efficacy by watching the adults in their lives handle challenges.¹¹ Let your girl see you do hard things—for example, applying for new jobs or learning a new sport—and talk to her about how you manage.

Researcher Janet Oseguera-Valencia was intentional about this with her daughter, Shayla Rose Gutierrez. When Shayla Rose was in kindergarten, her mom started taking her to work events. “She saw me speak to crowds and she later told me, it planted a seed,” says Oseguera-Valencia. Now nearly 15, Shayla Rose is student council president and leads school assemblies, speaking to hundreds of her peers with ease. 

When girls believe they can handle what life throws at them, they take more chances, speak up more, and bounce back faster. With the right support, space, and encouragement, your girl can grow into someone who believes she can handle whatever life throws her way.

If you found this article helpful, take a look at our Lean In Girls session, Embrace Risk-Taking. In this one-hour lesson plan, you’ll find empowering discussion starters that help your girls discover bold, positive ways to step outside their comfort zones. 

The Lean In Girls curriculum is designed for adults to use with a small group of girls–and it’s flexible. You can run the sessions yourself or work with a school, summer camp, or after-school program to bring the experience to girls in your community.