Help your girls speak up at school—and beyond

When Dishita Bharara turned 15, she spoke up about a tradition in her religion that bothered her: in Hinduism, women are prohibited from entering the temple on the first few days of their period.

Dishita’s words led her mother, Ridhima, to double down on her commitment to empower her daughters to have a voice and speak up for themselves.  

“I didn’t want to pass on a belief I’d followed blindly,” said Ridhima, who lives with her family in the Punjab region of India. “So I supported her voice, even when she challenged tradition.”

Ridhima has intentionally raised her daughters, Dishita and Prisha, 11, to feel confident about speaking up. She explains why: “When I was young, I was never sure of myself. So I wanted my girls to feel confident in their voice and their decisions.” When asked if she encourages her girls to speak up, she doesn’t hesitate: “Big time!”

This type of support from parents can make all the difference, especially as girls get older. Most girls begin elementary school as bold, curious learners—eager to share ideas, ask questions, and assert themselves. But as they get into their teens, many girls start to hesitate, as they face growing pressure to avoid mistakes and negative judgments. For instance, as many as two-thirds of girls aged 8–17 hold back from speaking their minds because they don’t want to be seen as unlikable. 

In the face of these challenges, parents and caregivers have a powerful role to play in helping teen girls strengthen their voice. Here’s how:

Help your girls face their fears

Girls are often taught to care more than boys about what others think—and to feel more shame when they make a mistake—which can make them hesitate to speak up. 

Instead of dismissing these fears, help the girl in your life to name them. “Having the conversation, providing the vocabulary to put their fears into words—that’s essential,” says Ivonne, a mother of 11- and 16-year-old girls from Monterrey, Mexico. 

To help girls talk about their fears related to speaking up—and move past them—try asking these questions:

• Have you ever been judged by others when you spoke up? Can you describe how that felt? How did you help yourself feel better? How would you make yourself feel better if it happened again?

• What are you afraid might happen if you speak up at school? What’s the worst-case scenario, and how would you handle it?

• What’s the best thing that could happen if you do speak up?
  
  Encourage your girl to think about what she values—like curiosity, fairness, or courage—and help her act from those values, rather than from a fear of judgment. This kind of reflection helps her learn that the risks of speaking up are manageable—and that the benefits often outweigh the risks.
  
  Ivonne tells her daughters, “That fear might always be in the passenger seat next to us. But you need to keep driving.

Embrace uncertainty and mistakes

Because girls often fear being wrong, it’s essential to talk about the value of making mistakes. Speaking up when you’re uncertain, even if you get it wrong, is actually one of the best ways to learn. “I always tell Ananya, ‘Speaking up isn’t about being right all the time,’” says Raji. “Even if you’re still figuring things out, you need to know your voice deserves to be heard.”

You can build this mindset by asking, “What mistake did you make today?” and then, “What did you learn from it?” If your girl speaks up and it doesn’t go as planned, affirm the effort: “I’m proud of you for saying something. That took courage.”

And model this in your own life. “I often share my mistakes with Ananya,” says Raji. “I want her to see that strength doesn’t lie in perfection. It’s in the willingness to try, fail, and show up again.”

Make space to practice in everyday life

One of the most effective ways to help girls build their voice is through low-stakes practice. Encourage her to order her food, ask a store clerk a question, or schedule an appointment by phone. If she’s nervous, you can role-play together first.

Ridhima has made this kind of practice part of everyday life with her daughters. “I’ve always asked them to order their own food,” she says. As her daughters have grown, so has Ridhima’s encouragement to speak up in new contexts. “Now I ask them to plan their own social activities. I tell them, ‘Call your friend, invite them over, fix the time. And if you need me, I’m here.’” 

These small, everyday interactions add up: they teach girls to feel comfortable expressing their needs to people outside of their own families—and to adjust when things don’t go as planned.

Model what it looks like to speak up

Your actions speak louder than any advice you give. If your girls know that you use your voice with courage, even when it’s uncomfortable, they’ll learn that it’s both normal and worthwhile. Saying “I was nervous, but I spoke up anyway” sends a powerful message: this is what courage looks like in real life. 

“I tell Ananya stories from early in my career—when no one I worked with looked or sounded like me,” says Raji. “I’ve told her how I fought for fairness and was persistent about speaking up, even when it was hard.”

Ivonne was recently reminded by her older daughter, Lucy, of just how closely our kids are watching us. “She said, ‘I remember when you asked for a raise, when you talked to your boss, when you disagreed with Dad—and you spoke up every time.’” 

Keep the conversation going

Supporting your girl’s voice isn’t a one-time lesson—it’s an ongoing commitment. Whenever you ask about her day, listen for moments when she spoke up and celebrate them—particularly when it took courage.

Raji shared a moment she won’t forget: “Ananya came home one day and told me that some girls were being left out of speech and debate activities because they were quiet.” 

Ananya stood up for them. “She said, ‘Being quiet doesn’t mean you’re not smart or capable. Let’s include everyone.’ She made sure those girls could participate.”

“I was very proud,” Raji said. “Ananya spoke up and lived the values I’ve always hoped to teach her.”